Back to Work

I headed back to the office today after six weeks. The first two weeks off were spent at a conference for work and a week with family in California. The last four weeks were spent recovering from the slightly herniated disk in my back.

Today was good, but I was there only for a half day. Two more days of half-days and if all goes well, back to full-time on Friday.

I tell ya, I have a renewed appreciation for the little things like:

• Turning my head without pain
• Putting on a pair of socks without pain
• Getting up out of a chair without pain

OK, I could go on and on, but let's just say that pain teaches appreciation of things big and small.

If all goes well this week, I can start working on core exercises next week and then on to the stationery bike. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Getting better and better

I'm feeling better and better. While sitting continues to be uncomfortable sometimes, I can stand to put my pants on rather than sit on the bed and putting on my socks is getting easier and easier. I can even walk short distances without any trouble.

The key, though, is not overdoing it. So based on doctor's orders, I'm still icing and heating and relaxing as much as possible in the recliner.I saw my M.D. to share my MRI results that the chiropractor ordered. He had some interesting things to say like some research indicates that I may have been born with the herniated disc rather than having "done" something to cause it.

He said several other things but I can't remember (I should have blogged about this the same day). He did say sitting is the worst position for me and encouraged me to stand at work as often as possible when I return. And he, like the chiropractor, assured me I'd run again.

Went to a girls basketball game at my alma mater today. They recognized all the alumni players. Now I'm headed to a family reunion for Christmas. We have such a large family, we rent out part of a building at the local university. I doubt we'll stay as long as usual. Don't want to overdo it, yet I need to start going out to I can get enough strength to to go back to work. I could probably make it back to work later this week, but since I'll get two days off for Christmas, there's no reason to rush back.

Real progress

This will be fairly short because I've been up longer than I should be and am starting to feel it. That's one of my challenges is to not get ahead of myself when I start to feel better.

After a horrible day emotionally yesterday, today has been a good day both physically and emotionally. Physically, I've been feeling better bit by bit, but today I saw big improvements. Today was the first day I woke up and wasn't really hurting from the get-go. Later in the day, I actually got up and down off the toilet without holding on to the adjacent towel bar for support. Woo-hoo! That's big. I didn't really plan not to use the bar, it just happened.

Finally, a few minutes ago, I was able to reach for the front of the arms on the recliner (while fully reclined) and pull myself up to the sitting position without pain. First time since this whole thting started.

I slept really well last night, although I'm still on the air mattress because our bed aggravates my back right now. It was interesting learning how to get up and down off the floor without screaming out. Sometimes it was so tough, but it felt so much better to be on the air mattress -- with pillows under my knees -- than on our bed.

One last note, my husband (whom I lovingly have been calling "Fred" as in Fred, not Florence, Nightingale) has cooked, cleaned, looked after me, bought me gifts, made sure I take my meds, and been so supportive. I'm one lucky girl.

Not good news but it could be worse

Let's cut to the chase. The MRI showed a herniated disc at L5/S1. The good news though is no surgery, there is no nerve involvement, the herniation is in a "good" spot and my doc says she expected the MRI to show more damage. Treatment will probably be "decompression" -- I'll learn more about that on Monday and then PT.

I've been off work for two weeks (and out for four weeks because I was at a conference in California and then tacked on a week of vacation so we could spend Thanksgiving with my husband's brother's family. This happened on the trip). Now, it looks like I'll be out another two weeks. Six weeks off from work would normally sound great but this is definitely not the way to make it happen. I stopped the pain meds the other day and was fine, but had to start them again today.


So bottom line is no yoga running for who knows how long. Good news is the doc says I'll be able to do everything I did before this happened. She says most physical injuries/illnesses are either physical, chemical or emotionally based. So I just need to start paying attention to my nutrition a lot more and try to reduce the stress in my life. I don't want to go into details but it's been a tough 18 months. I talk to someone regularly about it all, but guess I need to do more(meditation, etc.)


I know no one really reads this thing but me, but if anyone out there catches this and knows of anyone who has come back to running following disc herniation, I sure could use some encouragement. If you only know of horror stories, please don't bother. You'd think I wouldn't have to write that but how many times haven't people told pregnant women all kinds of horrible things that happened during delivery or someone heading into surgery some tragic story.


OK, so that's the end of my whining, I hope. I'll try to be more positive from here. I have no idea how this thing happened since I just woke up with it, but I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I never see a repeat. I know others have experienced things far worse like Frayed Laces who broke her pelvis in a marathon a year ago and just qualified for Boston. I just have to be patient -- and smart.

Waiting

Unfortunately, things haven't gotten any better with my back. I had an MRI yesterday and get the results back tomorrow. The MRI was a real challenge for me. I am extremely claustrophobic and while it was an "open" MRI with the sides open, the machine is still only 17 inches at the most from the face. It was a long 28 minutes.

They had me lie down with my feet propped up with a pillow under my knees. Then then moved the table into the machine. My husband had warned me how loud an MRI is (think jackhammer noises). The tech gave me headphones and played music, but I couldn't even make out the words part of the time because the machine was so loud. Luckily, the extremely loud part comes and goes.

The tech also gave me a panic button if I needed it. The first two minutes, I was really tempted not only because of the anxiety but because I wanted to make sure it worked. But I didn't. I also wanted to have asked him to count down in 5-min increments so I'd know how much time was left. Too late for that question too.

I decided I would figure out the timing on my own. I'd asked for the local station that plays Christmas music. I figured that each song lasts 2 to 3 minutes. So surely after 10 songs, the test would be over. I tried to do deep breathing to relax, let my mind wander to my favorite beach (Destin, FL) and count songs. Sure enough, after roughly 7 songs and several commercials, it was over.

My back actually felt better during the test than any other time in the last several days. So now I'm spending a good portion of my day on the family room floor and pillows under my knees. It is actually the only time I am almost painfree.

If this is a bulging disc, looks like no running for a few months while I do therapy and focus on strengthening my core, etc. Thank goodness it's winter here in Ohio. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my favorite running months of the year.

OK, I've been sitting at the computer for 10 minutes or so and the pain is saying "time's up." That's it for now.

12 days of...back pain

So much for the 12 days of Christmas. I have had the 12 worst days of back pain of my life. I am getting better but it is such a slow process. We still don't know what caused the sacrum/tailbone pain, but let's just say at it's worst, I walked an awful lot like my 90-something uncle when he was alive.

I know I'm improving because the drugs are finally having an effect. For the first two days, they didn't even touch the pain. Case in point: I confused my meds and took a double dose of the painkiller three times instead of the muscle relaxant and I was still in horrible pain. Now it's just much more nagging pain but it can still take my breath away every once in a while. I can, occasionally, sit or stand for a few minutes without much discomfort. So we're making progress.

When this first happened, all I could think of was when would I be able to run again? Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow became my mantra. After that, it was maybe next week. Now I'm at maybe at the beginning of the year. It would be a good way to begin 2009 being able to run again. Here's hoping -- and no more whining.

I'm still home from work (6 days and counting). Looks like I'll be out most if not all of the rest of the week and then head back half-days for a bit. I wasn't looking forward to running in the cold after our two weeks in CA, but now I'd welcome a cold-weather run.

Back to (in)action

OK, so that little back trouble I mentioned in the last post has turned into the worst back problem of my life. (And, of course, it happens when I just had my best run in a year.) I have suffered from back trouble since I fell off a bunkbed and on to my tailbone when I was 11 or so. Plus, I was in a couple of car accidents that caused undiagnosed -- for 20 years -- whiplash. So I have been prone to minor aches and pains. But this, this is a whole new place and I don't ever want to visit it again.

I have seen the crancial-sacral doc and the chiropractor. Both said the same thing "It seems like a tailbone injury." But I didn't fall on my tailbone. I didn't do anything. I just woke up with the pain one morning. After missing the last four days of work -- I can't stand, sit, lie down for any length of time and I'm in pain almost every minute and sometimes it's been so bad I can barely roll over. Other times, I can't walk without my knees buckling.

So today I finally caved and called the M.D. Seems he can't see me until next week -- and neither can any of the other four docs in the practice. What the hell? Are that many people really sick?

I told the nurse I didn't really care about seeing a doc as long as he'd just give me some drugs. I finally just took the first pain killer about 45 minutes ago and nothing yet. Boy, I'll be glad when these things kick in.

I see the chiropractor again tomorrow. Looks like no yoga this weekend and several more days before I can run again. I've already gone without running for 8 days and I'm going a little batty.

It seems there might be a chance the back problem is the result of the old injury "unraveling" and going back to the correct position. I guess I should expect some nasty discomfort when ligaments, tendons and muscles could be moving to new positions after being stuck in the wrong spot for 35 years.

I'll just have to be patient. Not one of my greatest virtues, but I'm learning.

Two weeks of sun, fun, family and food

As far as two-week trips go, this rated a 10+! What a great time.

We started with a conference for me in Desert Hot Springs (close to Palm Springs, CA). Conference wasn't what I expected. Most of the speakers didn't even talk to the topic in the program. Oh well, it got me to California in November. I'm not complaining.

After the conference, we headed to Huntington Beach to my brother-in-law's for a week and Thanksgiving. All of my husband's nephews were in town for most of the week (his niece arrived Thanksgiving). One night during the week was spent at a FABULOUS party at my nephew's in Newport Coast. Unbelievable food, wine (I don't drink it but he's a wine investor and has some of the best) and just tremendous company, conversation and hilarious karaoke. We've had some good parties out there, but this ranks in the top 5 of any party we've ever been to!

I got incredibly lucky when I married my husband. Not only did I find the perfect man for me, but his family is so awesome. We have a great time together. What a blessing.

Oh, and along the way there was some running. I got 3 runs in the desert. It was still hot and a lot hillier than home, but great workouts. I got 3 runs in HB but woke up one morning and could hardly get out of bed. Don't know what I did to my back. It improved enough to go on a run with a friend two days later, but that just aggravated it even more. It's been five days now and I'm just waiting for the weekend to end so I can call the doctor. I still have a lot of trouble bending over without putting my hands on my thighs for support. The pain is bad enough, but I haven't run since Wednesday, and that's the worst part. Fortunately, it was great run along the beach with my friend, which made making my back worse worth it.

We're home now. I have yet to get on the scale. It won't be pretty. I bascially overate at every single meal.

I miss the beach, the warm temps and the walks to downtown HB (only 4 blocks). All I have to do now is figure out how to convince my boss to let me telecommute from California during the 3 busiest months of the year. Hmmm...any ideas?

8 days a week

Finally, the neck is almost better. I've missed my runs for a week now. Actually 8 days -- and it's making me crazy. Thankfully, tomorrow looks promising. One more visit to the chiropractor tonight, and if all goes well, I can put in a few miles tomorrow.

I am soooo ready.

A real pain in the neck

My runs lately have been going great and I was really looking forward to a short run on Friday followed by a longer run on Sunday. Until I woke up on Friday morning. I couldn't turn my head to the right. It felt like I had a giant knot in the right side and someone was stabbing me with a knife. The pain then radiates dhown into my shoulder and back.

I've seen the chiropractor and the massage therapist and still I can only turn my neck about 25 percent before the pain comes firing back. It hurts to write this post.

And why is it when I don't run -- or when I know I'm not going to run -- I eat so much worse? So on top of not getting my endorphin fix, I'm feeling hyped up on homemade choc chip cookies and Diet Coke. Not good.

Back to the chiropractor tomorrow.

Sick and not too tired

I wanted to run yesterday because of the amazing Indian Summer weather we've been having (low 70s and sunny when in November it can be 45 degrees with a bone-chilling rain), but I started to feel nauseous during the work day and it didn't let up when I got home. I tried lying down for 30 minutes, but the half-hour turned into almost 3 hours of sound sleep.

I got myself to the office this morning, but 90 minutes later, I was heading home with more nausea. Slept 2 more hours before heading back to an important work event. I almost turned around a couple of times but pressed on.

Started to feel slightly better during the event and when I got home, I thought I'd try to run. I stayed close to home in case I needed to turn back. But the run went great. I was a little slower but I figure that was just left over sluggishness from the bug I'm fighting.

Because the event went later than my normal work day, it was getting dark by the time I went out to run. I don't usually run in the dark anymore; now I know why. Too many streets don't have lights. Started really slowly just to see how my stomach would react and then opened it up a little bit. A little slower than usual, but I was glad to finish without tossing my cookies.

Mile 1 (12:02)
Mile 2 (10:57)
Mile 3 (10:46)
Mile 4 (10:44)

My knees need a lube job

Before I get into today's run, let's talk election day. My husband and I hit the polls 15 minutes before they opened at 6:30 a.m. and we were still 50th in line. After a 15-minute delay (because the election official had car trouble), the line started moving. In only 30 minutes we were through the line. So beginning to end = 1 hour.

I have never had to stand in line before. And you know what? It felt good. I was glad to be there in line with my neighbors. It was great to see such a great turnout. I was thrilled to see so many people exercising their right to vote. No matter who wins the presidency, we all win because democracy wins when we all vote.

On to my run...
My sister, who has a couple of marathons under her belt, says that water is like an oil/lube job for her joints. Without it, she feels her knees a lot. Apparently, me too.

I usually drink 60 to 80 oz of water per day. Since last Thursday, I've been averaging 20 to 40 and my knees were talking to me at the beginning of the run. They calmed down about a mile into it but my body told me over and over in other ways that it was pissed I hadn't been drinking enough H-2-0.

Here's a little of that "conversation."

Only a quarter mile into the run.
"Uh-oh, I am really thirsty. Maybe I should turn around and get a bottle of water."
"No, I don't run with water bottles anymore. I can stop at mile 3 at the store and buy a bottle."
"OK, but I'm really thirsty."
"Stop thinking about it. Look at the beautiful foliage -- the reds, the vivid yellows, bright oranges...wow I'm thirsty. I haven't even hit a mile yet."
"Come on focus on the beautiful day. It's November and 70 degrees and sunny. Who cares about water. This is awesome."
"I care about water. My mouth feels like a desert. Isn't there a park somewhere close with a drinking fountain?"
"Focus on your chirunning form. Yes, that's it. Relax your ankles, relax your lower legs...hey is anyone watering their lawn or flowers. Maybe I can get a drink off their hose."

And on it went for 3+ miles before I reached a store to buy a water. I felt better once I got water but my knees were whispering -- loudly -- by the end of the run.

I was sure my numbers would be slower than I even planned. I wanted to do a warm-up mile at 12 minutes with the rest at 11 or 11:30. The first mile was 11:31 and the rest were around 10:35.

I feel great 6 hours later, although there's a really slight tightness in my right knee. We'll see how it is in the morning.

Holy Global Climate Change

Another beautiful day -- mid-60s, sunny and it's Nov. 2! OK, I'm all about the environment and making things better, but as someone who is really not into either cold or snow, there are some positives of global climate change here in Ohio.

Headed to the track today to try some form intervals. I haven't done anything but put in road miles for maybe the last year. I decided to use a friend's training program for a half-marathon.

15-minute slow, warmup
8 by 200m with 100m jog in between
15-minute warm down

4 miles total. Felt good. Don't know if it was the workout or just the euphoria of running in shorts and T-shirt in November. Best of all, it's supposed to be like this for at least another 5 days.

Happy trails to me

Yesterday was such a beautiful day -- 68 and sunny! On the last day of October! In Ohio!

I have only run trails once in my life, so yesterday was my second try. My boss asked me to go run by a local dam -- for business reasons I won't bore you with -- and then we headed to a nearby trail in the woods. I'd never been there before but the fall foliage is gorgeous and I figured it'd be fun.

I've said before I'm not very good at paying attention to what's around me when I run but when you are surrounded by foliage of gold and orange and yellows and reds, you can't help but notice. Fortunately, they were all at my feet. I didn't dare take my eyes off the trail, especially not after climbing our first steep hill and a tree root rose up and tripped me. The tree roots and rocks were lethal, and these trails never saw a flat area -- just steep uphill and then steep downhill.

We enjoyed the run, but we'd probably have enjoyed it a lot more if we hadn't thought we got lost along the way. It's hard enough to run vertically up or down with slippery fallen leaves at your feet, tree roots and rocks doing their darndest to see you do a face plant but it's worse when you fear you missed the cut off for your trail and took up the trail that's 5 times longer. And in another hour the sun will start to go down. I thought the trail was 1.06 miles, so when we had hit 1.3 miles I got a little concerned.

Luckily, we were on the right trail (it was actually 1.6 milesand made it back to the car long before the sunset. As we stretched out afterward, I lay on my back and looked up to see the most beautiful blue sky framed by awesome golden leaves. Ohio may not have the mountains or the beach but wow, fall and spring rock.

My mind is messing with me

For once I wasn’t tired when I got home to run but still had a bit of trouble getting out the door. I don’t know what’s up with me. I look forward to running all day and then when it’s time, I just want to lie down. And I’m not even tired. There’s a pattern here. When I’m at work, I want to be running. When I’m supposed to go running, I want to lie down. When I’m meditating, I can’t stop the chatter in my head. When I’m writing, my brain is empty of ideas -- much less actual words. It’s like whatever activity I’m set to do, my brain goes in the opposite direction. What’s up with that?

4 miles yesterday. Sunny skies, temps in the upper 50s. Just beautiful. Felt great throughout the run. No walk breaks lately. Lovin' it all -- weather, foliage, running, breath rate

Cold Snap

Two weeks ago, I was enjoying a warm autumn, still wearing T-shirts and shorts. Oh what a difference a week or two makes in the Midwest. Today, with the windchill, it was 35 degrees at 4 p.m. OK, it could be worse. I could be in Vermont where they just got 9 inches of snow! In. October. You poor, poor people.

I already miss my shorts and T-shirts. But I was lovin' the run. Four miles and it felt great. I had to keep trying to slow myself for fear I was going out too quickly.

I'm really trying to slow down for the first mile and then let myself open it up a bit -- all relative terms since I'm very slow. But less slow today. I really don't want to get caught up with my times because I'll start to care about them. And I need to keep my ego out of this and just enjoy the run. That's why I just deleted my times.

The run in a word: Awesome!

Lovin' It

Today's run was a lot like a great drive off the 18th tee -- it keeps you coming back for more. It was an awesome run! I can't say it any other way.

I'd been feeling pretty punk (female stuff) and even had taken a 90-minute nap. I really debated heading out to try to run, but it was sunny and 60 degrees and since the high later this week is supposed to be 40, I figured it was now or never.

The whole run from beginning to end was so amazing. It was pretty much effortless. A great 4 miles. I felt like I was smokin' but I'll never know since the Garmin died in the first half mile. No matter. I'm just happy it felt soooo good. I just felt like I was cruisin'. Even my heart rate felt great.

This was definitely an Even the Russian Judge Liked It run.

Moving forward again

Last time I wrote about heading back to the basics of ChiRunning to break a couple of bad habits. Well, it's been worth it. After spending almost a week's worth of runs at the track do drills and a few laps, I headed back to the street on Sunday and had good results.

Well, Tuesday's and Thursday's runs were even better. My times are getting better, but more importantly, I'm not working nearly has hard. In fact, the last two runs I haven't had to take any walk breaks. I don't know if that's from the improved technique or my inappropriate sinus tachycardia has calmed down. Who know? Who cares?

I did have one odd thing happen on Thursday. I was planning a 4-miler and was running comfortably when at 1.5 miles, it felt like a knife stabbed me in the right hip/butt cheek. I tried to make a microchange or two, but nothing helped. It didn't happen with each step, but that was part of the problem. It was intermittent so I couldn't figure out what was causing it.

Even though I was about as far from home as I could get, I knew I had a choice -- I could stop and walk or I could keep pressing it and probably hurt myself and not run for a week or two (something I know all too well from experience with other pains.)

As much as I hate the idea of walking home, I decided to to exactly that. Actually, I tried to stretch out first to see if I could get rid of the stabbing pain. No luck.

So I started walking. I gave it a half-mile and decided to try running slowly again. I shortened my stride more than usual and gave it a little test. Hmm...no pain. So I kept going -- gently at first and then a little faster. I even managed a big hill (big for me) and now problems.

Got my 4 miles in and never felt the stabbing pain again. Still don't know what it was. I only know it's gone except for a little stab earlier today when I was teaching. I'll see how it goes tomorrow. I'd like to get 4 in again tomorrow, but we'll see.

Maybe finally, I am working with my body. Instead of mind over body, it's mind with body. I have the rest of my life to increase my mileage. And I'm now realizing it will all come a lot faster if I pay attention to what feels right.

Two steps back

Every once in a while, we have to take a step backward to move forward. Or in my case two steps back.

I had the chance to work with a ChiRunning instructor for a short time the other week. I'd been feeling like my running wasn't as light as it should be. Turns out, I picked up a bad habit or two like bending slightly at the waist and a bit of an overstride when I first start to run.

So I backed way off my mileage and headed the track to practice drill after drill until I could feel the changes in my form. I'm always surprised how hard it is to be a beginner again, leave a watch or Garmin behind, and focus only on form rather than achievements (meaning time, speed, distance). I have absolutely no reason to have any kind of running ego, and yet I have trouble reigning in the monster.

After three track workouts, I ventured to the road yesterday and it all started to come together. I'm still slower than usual, but it's coming -- and I expect to be able to add back my mileage quickly.

Here's hoping the step backward is done and it's onward from here.

Dragging but running well

Saturday yoga class was great. I did a headstand for the first time. I think my abs are finally starting to work. The chiropractor has been teaching me how to isolate different sections of my abs. Apparently, I've been using my hip flexors and back muscles everytime I should be using my core.

Also Saturday, Ohio State University won. And maybe best of all. I finally had energy all day. Then after a good night's sleep on Saturday night, I was exhausted again on Sunday. I spent all day trying to work up the energy to go on a 5K.

Finally, about 5 p.m. I decided it's now or never. The first quarter mile, I wondered whether I'd make a mile but then it all came together. Great run. Go figure.

I think it's all about hydration and maybe PMS. Haven't been drinking enough water and too much soda. Still too much soda today, but a lot more water.

Tomorrow, 3 or 4 miles, I hope.

Taking the Plunge

I have heard people talk about taking ice baths after a particularly long run, and have even seen photos, but I never thought I'd give it a try. The only things I like cold are my drinks and my ice cream. I haven't like the cold since I got frostbitten as a child.

But yesterday, I thought I'd give it a try for two reasons:

1. The inside of my right ankle has been a little cranky after longer runs
2. After almost every run, my upper back between my shoulder blades will sweat for up to 2 hours. Ridiculous. I wondered if an ice bath would reduce my body temp.

So after yesterday's 7-miler, I filled the tub with cold water and went to the freezer for a load of ice. I have to admit it wasn't really all that bad. I didn't load it with 5 lbs of ice or anything but it was plenty chilly.

The result? Excellent. No back sweats. And my legs, knees, ankles, everything below the waist feels great. Even at yoga this morning my body felt more open.

I read the other day that sugar can cause inflammation in the body. Since sugar is one of my favorite food groups..what? Sugar isn't a food group? Maybe not on your food pyramid, but it's the bottom layer on mine, followed by chocolate, dairy, fruit and more chocolate.

I noticed after eating about 25 chocolate chip cookies last weekend, my knees were sore two days later, so maybe there's something to this sugar thing.

I thought for a second about giving up sugar but the ice baths seem a lot easier.

Oh, and by the way, the run was great. I tried to relax more and slow down to a 12-minute mile. Worked beautifully. The key really is relaxing.

Love/hate reading running blogs

I love reading running blogs, but I’m not sure they are good for me. Having been both a high school and college athlete, I have certain expectations for myself. I generally pick up new activities fast, however, running has never been one of them.

I played one season of field hockey – as a fullback -- in junior high because it required the least running. I’d have played goalie if I could have. I would curse at the 1/3 mile warm-up we ran each day. The other fullback and I even took a shortcut every time the coaches weren’t looking.

In high school, I played volleyball, basketball and fast-pitch softball, sports that might require explosive spurts but no long sustained running. I’m old enough that conditioning was pretty much a joke when I was in school. In college, I played volleyball. Lots of conditioning but not much long distance running.

Over the years I ran off and on – more off than on once I hit about 30 – thanks to constant shin splints and back pain. Then a couple of years later, knee pain really stopped any chance of running – until I found ChiRunning. It gave me my running life back.

Now I’m running farther than I did in my 20s, have no pain and am thrilled. So what’s the problem you ask? Speed – or lack thereof. I’ve been back at this for 2.5 years and I’m not getting any faster. Now that wouldn’t be so bad if I was clocking an 8-minute or even 9- or 10-minute mile.

I don’t want to “race.” I just want to run with friends who all run at 10-min miles or less. And then I read these blogs and how everyone’s improving. Oh, yeah, I know, I know. We all have to work within our own limitations. And certainly I have a few.

Not only do I have injuries but apparently I have a little heart thing that sends out megawatts of adrenaline when I run, no matter how slowly. I don’t get heart palpitations or anything. But my heart rate goes to 100 percent of max or more in a few miles even with a 12-minute mile

I get inspired by these other speed demons, but it’s frustrating too. Maybe I should stop reading. Or maybe I should accept my limitations and be grateful I’m running again. There was a time when I didn't run because the doctor asked me not to because of back trouble. Back then, I’d have given anything just to run 3 miles three times a week. Now, I do that and more. But running is like a drug – I want more. I want a half marathon. I want a marathon.

Maybe all of this is a great lesson in humility, appreciation for what I do have, and learning to accept myself. And maybe I’m just having one hell of a pity party today.


Wow, I’m sitting here writing this little rant about poor pitiful me and I have totally forgotten something that really matters. My cousin is lying in a hospital bed praying he'll walk again after a fluke accident during our "dry hurricane" 9 days ago. I think I’ll shut up now and be grateful that I can walk or run, fast or slow, a lot or a little.

Hang in there Johnny. I believe. I believe you will walk again. I believe you will run that marathon someday.

Routine runs

Nothing special to say. I'm not sure the recovery week last week really has made much of a difference. I didn't feel especially refreshed this week.

I got in a good 4-miler on Tuesday and 3-miler today. I really didn't think I'd do all that well on Tuesday. When I went out to run, I was kind of achey especially my left knee. But I made a microadjustment to my ChiRunning technique and the twinge passed easily. During the first mile, I thought I'd be lucky to finish 2 miles, but after that first mile, I found my rhythm and was good for the 4 and could have done more.

Today, both knees were a little achey. I realized on Wednesday that part of the problem with my knees is not enough water. I've been drinking 60 to 80 oz a day and for two days I had only 40 oz. Really makes a difference -- at least for me. My younger sister says water lubricates her knees. I'm beginning to agree with her.

Tuesday and today's runs were under beautiful skies, although today was in the low 80s and felt even hotter. Still, really good runs and I'm happy -- and pain free.

Recovery Week

I just completed my first real recovery week. Oh, I've taken recovery weeks before. You might know them better as "injuries." This was actually a planned recovery week.

My Type A says more is better -- always. My body says stop listening to your Type A; she's an idiot.

So for the first time, I actually backed off my mileage for a week. It wasn't easy. I wanted to go further each day. I was sure I was going backwards in my training. I'm still waiting to see if I pay for backing down the miles or if it pays off.

Down deep, I know it was a good idea. There have been too many times when I kept increasing my mileage only to tweak something here or there and be forced into a recovery week.

So one step forward -- choosing to have a recovery week. Go me!

Running on empty

I spent Thursday in the field at work and left without much water. While the temps were better than the day before, it was still in the upper 80s. So after 5 hours in the field, the 3-miler Thursday night was less than stellar. Clearly, the 80 oz. of water I normally try to drink each day is helping when I run. And I am finding that nutrition really does affect my running. So back to the 4/400-calories meals a day with the right balance of carbs/proteins.

Last night I looked forward to my walk breaks way too much, but that might have been because it turns out I was running a lot faster between my walk breaks than I thought. Hey, this is supposed to be a recovery week. I really have to get a better handle on my speed to pace myself better.

New Balance 800s

So I was given a pair of New Balance 800s -- the new mid-foot strike shoe -- to test. The shoe was a collaboration of ChiRunning creator Danny Dreyer and New Balance.

My first run in them I was not impressed. They felt like they slapped the ground and I couldn't get that to stop not matter how lightly I ran. But after running in them last night, I'm beginning to think the slapping sound may have had more to do with a break-in period than the shoe. I did a slow, easy 2 mile run last night and here's what I discovered:

Pros
The shoe felt great -- it is very light.
The shoe makes landing mid-foot easier and I could feel the mid-foot landing better.
The shoes have a lot of cushion and are flexible right out of the box.

Cons
Despite putting powder under the inserts, the shoes still squeak with every step when I walk. Luckily, I can't hear it when I run.

All in all, I like these shoes and will wear them more often. Good for beginning ChiRunner. Has a lot less heel build-up than most shoes. Will help new Chirunners land mid-foot rather than on the heel.

Belly Fat Diet

OK, so I am one of the worst dieters in the world. I can change habits for a few days, but then I'm back to my old ways. I tried South Beach and managed Phase I for 10 days. It worked and it didn't feel too bad when I was doing it. I dropped 9 lbs and it was the beginning of a 15 lb drop. But now four years later, the idea of even thinking about Phase I again is more than I can stand.

I have tried cutting calories. I have tried more exercise. I have tried not eating after a certain time. None of it sticks. Then I saw the Belly Fat Diet from Prevention Magazine. Four meals of 400 calories a day including a serving of a monounsaturated fat included (like sunflower seeds, olive oil, chocolate chips). A plan for those like me who want to make stuff on the fly and another plan for those who like to spend as much time in the kitchen as I do on the road.

It all sounded easy enough, but would 400 calories fill me up enough? I gotta tell you, I'm pretty impressed with this. I've lost 5 lbs in three weeks, which doesn't sound like much, but it would if you knew how much "cheating" I've been doing. And yet, despite the cheating, I'm dropping weight. (I usually don't cheat on diets, but this time I realized I have to slowly work changes into my life if I want to maintain them. So every 3rd day or so I don't follow the plan so well. And lately, it's been worse than that, but tomorrow we start new again.)

Typical day of eating with this plan:
Breakfast
1 cup corn flakes
1/2 c unsweetened applesauce
1/4 c sunflower seeds
skim milk

Mid morning
English muffin with 2 tbsp of natural peanut butter

Mid-afternoon
Slice of raisin toast with 1/4 c cottage cheese and walnuts

Dinner
Red peppers, broccoli, onion sauteed with olive oil, whole wheat penne pasta, tossed with ricotta cheese and some Italian blend cheese on top.

This may not sound like much, but I have to tell you, I'm not hungry and I feel really satisfied. So far very cool.

Good week

Saturday's run: Out the door at 8 a.m. This is the second week in a row, I have run on a Saturday morning. Usually, I am at yoga at 9 a.m. but I've been trying a later class so I can run first.

I know lots of people run on Saturday mornings but it's something else to actually see so many runners in my neighborhood. Team in Training goes down a street near my house. I see their water coolers/stations and occasionally I see two people here and there. But Saturday, as I was heading out on my run, a group of 15 of them came running head on toward me. What a sight for a solo runner to see a group. They looked like they were having a good time. After the big group there were groups of 2 and 3 together. And I passed them all again on the way back in. Really great to see so many people out and running.

I like the solace of running alone but must admit it might be fun to run with one or two others for longer runs -- if I could ever find someone who runs my somewhat turtle pace.

I wanted to do 4 miles but I wasn't sure how it would go since I had changed up my schedule to have time with my sister visiting from GA. I felt good until I actually started to run. I realized my body was more tired that I expected.

I've been reading John Bingham's "The Courage to Start," and I liked a passage I saw the other day that said basically sometimes our mind needs a run but our body isn't up to it and other times our body is full-go and our mind just isn't into it. He talks about using our runner's wisdom to know when to press on and when not to.

So, as I started out I knew ultimately the goal was 4 miles but given the week I'd had maybe 2 would be the limit. After about a half-mile I was questioning doing more than 1 mile. Still, I trudged on, working on some basic ChiRunning focuses (posture and armswing) to help me keep going and fall into a rhythm. After the first half mile, I felt a twinge in my ankle (where I almost had a stress fractured that stopped me cold for 4 weeks). So I paid attention to that very carefully. I decided to give myself another half mile. If it was better, great. If it wasn't, walk home.

I made a slight adjustment and everything was fine. At 1.5 miles I turned around just in case. I figured 3 miles would be good enough. But as I cruised to 2.5 I knew I had the other mile left in the tank. So I got my 4 in.

I was more tired than the last two runs, but I was feeling good overall. I felt like I was slogging y and expected to see splits in the 12:15 range but they actually faster than either of the last two runs (about 11:40). Surprise. Surprise.

Total for the week 3, 6, 4 = 13 miles
Total weight loss in 3 weeks = 5 lbs.

It's time, though, to dial it down this week for a recovery week. I'm not very good with those, but I also can feel my body needs it. I'm really hoping that my inner wisdom can overpower my Type A "more miles" mantra. Wish me luck.

Celebrating 100th birthdays and good runs

My sister is coming to town this weekend for the 100th birthday of her husband's grandmother. Grandma is small in stature these days -- about 4'9" -- but large in our hearts. She's still quite sharp if not a little hard of hearing. Last time I was with her a couple of months ago, we were going through her high school yearbooks and she could remember all sorts of people. She even remembers when electricity came to her little Indiana town. What a doll. Happy birthday, Mary!

Since my little sis is coming to town that means breakfast as a family on Saturday at our favorite local restaurant. But that also means it'd be tough to get my long, slow, distance run in before we'd meet. More than likely breakfast will be at 9 or 10 a.m. And that would require a 6 a.m. wakeup call. Not gonna happen on a Saturday morning. I don't like to run in the dark. 8 a.m. is the crack of dawn for me on the weekend run.

So what to do? Even though I did a long run only 5 days ago, it was today or no breakfast with the family. So off I went. Hotter and more humid than last Saturday, but still a beautiful day. Stayed with my half-mile runs followed by 1 minute walk breaks. I wasn't as hydrated as I'd have liked and I hadn't eaten as well (carb-wise), but I did pretty well.

Last Saturday, I ran about 12 minute miles and today -- even though the intention was to stay at 12 minute miles, I ended up doing about 11:30 miles. I struggled the last two miles though at 12:19 and 12:09. All in all, a great run. Most important thing -- really the only important thing to me -- is I finished the run pain free. My heart rate seemed to stay down. I don't know for sure because I no longer take a monitor, but I felt good. And I really enjoyed myself except for one thing: water bottles.

I usually carry a bottle of Dasani or Aquafina when I run because it's easy to carry. But I'd really like to free my hands up, so I went back to one of the many running belts I own. Today's was one that sits horizontally along the small of my back. It was OK but I couldn't feel my pelvis rotate with the belt on, which is part of the ChiRunning technique. And the belt itself was an issue. When it felt tight enough, it restricted my diaphram and breathing; when I loosened it, it just wobbled too much. Not really much of a problem in the big picture.

Was it the Diet Coke, carbs or calories?

Yesterday's run almost didn't happen. I was all fired up after Saturday's great long, slow run. I had a job interview in the early afternoon (have decided I'm not interested). On the drive home, I realized I hadn't had time to eat lunch, so no food for 6+ hours. I'm not one who can run on an empty stomach. So I came home, made a tuna melt and watched a movie with the hubs.

About 4:45 I thought a 10-minute nap might be nice. And it was -- for 45 minutes. Still, I dressed, did my Chi-looseners and headed out the door. After a quarter-mile walk during which I wasn't feelin it, I started to jog. About 8 steps later, I knew it wasn't in the cards. I'd lost my window so to speak. I walked it home and thought I was done for the night.

I needed a Diet Coke in the worst way. So I made dinner (pasta salad with chicken, grapes, nuts and oranges) and needed to wait for the pasta to cool. So I headed to McDonald's for a large Diet (just love those fountain Cokes). Came home, ate dinner and about 10 Ritz crackers and settled in for the night. But a funny thing happened, I started to feel better within the hour. Did I just need some caffeine? Some carbs? Calories?

About 7:45 I decided to head out and see if I could run a bit. Even a mile would be OK. I reminded myself to take the walk breaks every half mile if I needed them. So off I went feeling stronger than I expected. All of the sudden I was thinking maybe I'll stop after a three-quarters a mile. Maybe I'll stop after 1 mile. Hey, maybe 1.5 miles. Wow, I feel good, I think I can go the 2 miles I had planned to run. About 1.5 miles into the run I started to have another conversation with myself -- like the angel and the devil on each shoulder.

"Oh, I think we can do 3 miles."

"We are NOT running any further than 2 miles. You want to build back up slowly. You haven't taken any walk breaks like you're supposed to to allow your heart rate to settle."

"You're right. But another mile is no big deal."

"Stop, it we are not running any more than 2 miles."

And on and on it went until I stopped for a drink after 2 miles. By that time, my two buddies had reached a compromise -- another half mile but it as a cool down. And before the first quarter-mile was finished, the two were at it again. I ended up with 3 miles and felt great the entire time.

Go figure.

Hello endorphins

Finally, a really good run.

Could it be the better nutrition (the Belly Fat Diet -- a post for another time)?
Could it be the better hydration -- 80+ounces of water the day before?
Could it be the willingness to take walk breaks every half mile (so basically 5/1 min)?
Could it be all of the above?

Whatever. It doesn't matter, I'm just glad to have had a wonderful long (for me right now), slow, distance run. I didn't feel tired until the last half mile. My heart rate stayed lower (based on how I felt) up to the last half mile (which was uphill) and I just felt so good.

Hello, endorphins. Nice to feel you again.

It's been a long road and a diagnosis for the heart rate problem -- inappropriate sinus tachycardia -- although I don't have all the symptoms. More on that in a future post. Suffice to say, walk breaks help. Even though I don't like them, my body does. Today may be proof of that.

So I'm happy. Great run. Feeling good 12 hours later. No pains. No fatigue. Just sweet, sweet endorphins.

(6 miles [building back up]: 72 minutes)

I'm so excited

First, where does the time go? Have I really not blogged since mid-month? Anyway, the running is going fine if not slowly. We went to Peoria for a niece's wedding reception and to visit family. What a blast. I not only got a 1 in a million husband, but his sister and her family plus the other siblings and their kids are an incredible bonus.

Ran in Peoria -- hot and humid even at 8 a.m. Decided to just go out and see how I felt. Stop as needed and see if the ankle felt OK. I'd been wearing some New Balance shoes on the track (running at the track as per chiro's suggestion). In Peoria, I went back to the street and my Loco's. Great run. Felt good but with the usual high heart rate (I could tell even without my Garmin). So I'm happy to have run 3 times this week and the ankle feeling good the whole time.

But the BEST news is the cardiologist's office called last week and offered to move up my appt. from October to this Tuesday!! Hallelujah! I am so hopeful he will figure out why my heart rate spikes when I run -- even a slow run. For ex: earlier this week, I was trying to run slowly. So I ran my first quarter mile in 3:08 but my heart rate was like 151 and then went to 165 and up to 175 or so by the end of the mile. Now, my Garmin has shown that my heart rate can get to 180 so even if that's my MHR (which is high for my age), I'm still working out at what a 95 percent of max on a 12-minute mile? Come on. I've been back to running for more than 2 years. Something has to be going on. Hopefully we'll find out what that "something" is soon.

Finding the joy

I wish I could find the same peace about running that I have with biking. When I get on the bike, I am home. It feels so right. I don't worry about speed. I'm not racing anyone. I'm just out for a ride -- almost always with my husband. Quality time with him, enjoying whatever season it is, feeling my body gliding along, and it doesn't matter if we are doing 13 mph or 18 mph. If I don't ride well, I don't panic. I realize I've been stressed, I haven't eaten well or haven't hydrated well. And it doesn't matter. It only matters that I'm outside, on the bike, with my husband and LOVING IT ALL.

So why can't I find that same attitude with running? I have been able to release my Type A personality in so many ways, but not running. If I am not checking my splits, I'm checking my heart rate. I'm constantly wanting to go faster, farther NOW. It too often becomes work; I want it to become joy.

My body is fighting me so hard and letting me know my biking attitude is much better for me than my running attitude. My heart rate is normal when I bike; it's off the charts on an 11 minute mile (even after only 2 minutes). I never hurt myself biking. I'm nursing a possible stress fracture. Actually, it's pretty much healed but when I went to run (on a very soft track the other day and I only did two half-miles,) I ended up with a lump above my ankle bone and swelling around it plus a bruise. It doesn't hurt when I walk. Normally, I would have tried to run again since I had no pain. I see the chiropractor tomorrow, so I thought I'd check with her first. Maybe I am softening that Type A. I even bagged yoga yesterday.

We'll see what the doc thinks.

On the road again

So tomorrow was supposed to be the first day I can try to run again. Only a mile but it's a start. But my schedule is a little crazy tomorrow, so I decided to run today.

I have to admit I was a little nervous. I still don't know what caused the ankle pain other than the doc's "impending distal fibular stress fracture" diagnosis. I was hoping it was healed enough to feel good. I started out and noticed I was a little cautious on the right side and I had to consciously put away the fear of hurting myself. I had to remind myself that the ankle issue was caused by a small ankle twist, and not giving it the respect -- and rest -- that it required until I really did it up good during a 6-mile run. I had to remind myself that it had nothing to do with my actual running and there was nothing to be afraid of. So I tried to relax and just enjoy the 1 single mile I was permitted to run. No Garmin, so no time or heart rate, just feeling myself move again.

Great news. No pain, no twinges and tonight no swelling. So I'll run again on Tuesday and then two more times this week, and if all goes well, I'll add another half-mile next week.

Patience is a virtue

A few days of walking and no problems or pains in the ankle. The chiropractor and I talked about returning to running. We agreed I'd come in for therapy a few more times this week and walk 2 miles or more several times this week. If all continues to go well, I can try to run a mile next Monday, July 7. That'll be almost 4 weeks since I saw the orthopod and he wanted me to wait 4 weeks, so close enough. He's the one who set the 1 mile limit per run for the first week. I can almost feel my feethitting the pavement. I can hardly wait -- but wait I will. No early tries and setbacks. I will be patient. I will be patient. I will be patient.

Walk a mile in my shoes

The chiropractor gave me the go-ahead to walk one mile on Monday, so I did. She warned me that if my ankle hurt the next day, I should back down to a half mile. I walked last night and it felt fine and no problems today. Woo-hoo.

I almost walked another mile today, but I'm trying so hard to take things slowly and not mess up my progress. So it's another mile tomorrow. If I wake Thursday with no pain, I'll walk another mile, and then it's another visit to the chiropractor on Friday.

She is surprised with how quickly the bone tenderness is healing. I'm just grateful. Looks like she may OK yoga for this weekend. I would love to try to run a mile next week, but I'll probably wait one more week to hit my 4 weeks like the orthopod said. No use is setting myself back.

Besides missing the endorphin release and the calorie burn, not running for the last 2.5 weeks has been tough because we have had low humidity and really nice running temps for the first time in years for this time of year. Looks like the heat and humidity return starting later this week in plenty of time for my return to running.

Running -- take me away

The lack of endorphins from not running is starting to really bug me. But I have to admit I am getting a ton of things done around the house. Last summer, we let the house go completely because of a health issue that needed our full attention. This summer things are better. But the lack of maintenance last year has made this year that much harder.

Last weekend we worked on the deck, all 500 square feet of it -- pressure washing, cleaning, scrubbing and sealing. This morning, my husband and I actually began yardwork that should have been done in early May, but after my mom died in April, I just wasn't in the mood. Not that I'm ever in the mood for yardwork.

A few years ago, my husband went through a period where he wished he'd been a landscape architect (rather than an Air Force colonel) and decided to make up for lost time on our front and back yards. This landscaping phase resulted in about a 200 percent increase in yard maintenance.

Gardening is one of my least favorite activities. In fact, in my previous house, before I met my husband, I made sure the only plantings were bushes that needed very little care -- and then I hired someone to take care of them.

In two hours, we got all the front bushes trimmed and raked, plus I pulled weeds and weeds and weeds and weeds and (well you get the idea). In just a few hours, we got a good start on the maintenance. I still have about another 6 to 8 hours of maintenance before we're up to speed for the summer, and that doesn't even include all the plantings in the decorative pots.

Oh please, running gods, heal this ankle issue quickly and free me from this summer of hard labor around the house. I promise I'll never whine about blisters, fatigue or chafing ever again.

One hop forward

Today I made real progress on the healing process of the "impending" distal fibular stress fracture. The orthopod told me there were two tests before I could try to run again.

1. Stand on tiptoes without pain
2. The three-hop test

Yesterday, I could stand on my tip toes with no pain. In fact, I walked a few steps on my tiptoes. And today, I tried one of the three hops -- and no pain. Since it's only been 10 days since I saw the doc and he said four weeks with no running, I'm going to take it slow. I'll try more hops tomorrow and then if all goes well, try a 1 mile run on Monday.

Keeping in touch

I don't have much to say about running -- since I'm not. Week One of the waiting game is over and my "impending distal fibular stress fracture" does seem to be feeling better. No one really knows how I did it other than an odd landing on a paved asphalt trail near my sister's in Georgia. The swelling is down, so that's good. I haven't heard back from the cardiologist that the orthopod recommended (to better understand my high heart rate when I run). But I'm hoping to hear this week yet and hopefully get in within a week or two.

In the meantime, meaning before I can run again, I've been getting to projects I normally wouldn't. Gene and I worked about 6 hours (so that's 12 total hours) pressure washing the deck, cleaning it and then sealing/staining it. This is one of those jobs I have to get really motivated for. Gene too. That's why it doesn't get done as often as it should (which is only every other year, but still). When we finished, I was stoked. The deck looked fantastic -- almost as good as the day we finished building it.

Since we have usually reseal the deck in August or September (see I told you it takes us a while to get motivated) getting it done in June is a big deal. I was all set for a summer of sitting on the deck with a nice book and eating a few meals outside. The deck needed 24 hours to set -- about 16 hours more than we got before the deluge hit. Rain that was predicted 12 hours earlier than it hit. The next morning we woke to a surprise.

Forget the leopard tights, try a leopard deck. All that work for nothing. I could hardly imagine re-doing it, but if that's what it took, I was ready. I really want to enjoy the deck this summer and I just didn't the leopard look would take as a style. Fortunately as the morning went on, the deck dried and looks fine. Whew! I said I would re-do the deck, but the idea was pretty sickening. We still want to apply one more coat of sealer and then we're good to go.

Other than that I've been enjoying a visit with my sister and one of my nephews who came to be with my dad for Father's Day (the first without my mom).

Impending distal fibular stress fracture

Good news -- no ankle fracture. Bad news -- no running for 2 to 4 weeks.

My ankle isn't fractured -- yet. But it's "impending." In fact, it's an impedning distal fibular stress fracture, according to the orthopod. All this means is that running on it some more could cause it to actual splinter. I think the doc was suprised it wasn't fractured considering my yelps and jumping off the table a few inches every time he touched a certain spot on my ankle.

Normally, I would be VERY upset with this diagnosis and not being able to run. I'd be especially upset with myself since the ankle pain was just a minor twinge until I ran 6 miles on it when I kind of sensed I shouldn't have gone more than 3 or 4. But you know, 4 weeks is really a small blip in my running "career" (I use the term as loosely as possible). Of course, if it doesn't feel better in 4 weeks, the doc wants to do a bone scan.

My chiropractor is helping by doing ultrasound and cold laser therapy three times a week. I swear in just two treatments, the swelling has gone down substantially.

The silver lining in all of this was sharing with the orthopod the issue with my high heart rate even when I run 11 or 12 minute miles. I asked him if he knew of a cardiologist who works with athletes because my first cardiologist said that after looking at my test results he didn't have a clue why my heart rate jumps so high so fast and only when I run. Not exactly an acceptable answer.

So between the orthopod checking with a few folks for a recommendation and a little Internet research of my own, I found a doctor locally who is an electrophysiologist (a subspecialty of cardiology). Great news -- he's the same doc the orthopod referred me to. Of course, when I called today the cardiologist, the scheduler said the doc doesn't have an opening until September. But then she said she'd see if she could somehow get me in next week. That would be sweet.

I'd be more than happy to give up 4 weeks of running in exchange for a diagnosis and treatment that would take my heart rate down to normal numbers so I don't bonk after 7 miles.

So it's on to the bike, weights and core work for 4 weeks. It's all good. All is well.

Down but not out -- just yet

I don't know why but I never want to write when I'm down about something. I realize that's the time I should be writing, but I just can't seem to drag myself to the computer. So that explains the absence.

About two weeks ago, I sprained/strained an ankle ligament when I misstepped on a run -- on vacation no less. (And of course, my running was going about as well as it's ever gone. Figures huh?). I didn't think it was anything. In fact, I barely remembered that I had misstepped -- until that night when it started to ache. So I saw the chirorpractor and the massage therapist, and patiently waited a week to run (but after the first 25 yards I realized it was a no-go). So I gave it another week. The pains have been so random. One time it'll hurt when I stand and walk and then feel better 10 steps later only to hurt again 30 steps after that. Another time it won't hurt for the first 20 yards and hurt from then on. One time it hurts in one part of the ankle, and then another time a different part of the ankle. And sometimes, all the muscles in my calf will tighten up.

On Saturday, I ran ever so lightly for about a quarter mile and it was sore but the pain didn't progress. That night, it felt better than it had for days. On Sunday, I biked 13 miles with my husband then ran 1mile about as slowly as a person can go. It was tight and a little tender but the pain didn't get worse. On Sunday night, it felt really pretty good. Then Monday, it was good until the afternoon when I could really feel it.

So I called the orthopod and have an appt. this afternoon. In the meantime, I had another appt. with the chiro. She told me I had the worst kind of sprain in that I twisted on the diagnol and not only got the tendon (or did she say ligament) but strained all the muscles in the front part of my calf. She said it's important to massage the ligament/tendon. I literally jumped off the table when she did. She did ultrasound and cold laser therapy. My ankle was so sore and swollen last night. But this morning it feels better than it has in days.

I told her about the orthopod appt. today. She agrees I should go the doc and have an x-ray for a stress fracture, possibly in my fibula. She doesn't expect it to be fractured, but given the tenderness in one area, she thinks it's a good idea to have it checked. More tonight.

Temporarily out of commission

I've been away a lot longer than I planned but Internet service on vacation just didn't work out. Parts of vacation didn't either. We started our two-week vacation by having to buy a new truck 8 hours into our 13 hour drive to the beach. I don't feel like telling the whole story, but we did get a good deal and there were many blessings in the chaos and frustration. Still, it took us a couple of days to recover from the idea.


On the vacation, I re-read ChiRunning by Danny Dreyer for maybe the fourth time from cover to cover. It's required reading for me at the beach each year. Every time I read it, I gain something new because my running is in a different place each year. This year, Danny really got my attention with the first few chapters -- more of the philosophical part of running and goal setting. He suggests we not set external goals such as a specific time goal (say a 7-minute mile) but rather set a goal of running faster. Because if we never reach that 7-minute mile pace, we could end up with a feeling of failure. Whereas just trying to get faster leaves lots of room for improvement without the pressure to succeed.


So I'm working on getting a hold of my ego which runs much, much faster than I do. I focused my vacation runs on really trying to relax every part of my body. Danny says energy can't move through tight muscles and as we fatigue, most of us tend to try hard and tense up as a result. The runs wents well but I still found myself focusing on minutes per mile. I remain too much into the numbers -- miles, time, etc. So here's the new plan: I'm running for time only -- not distance, not speed, just time. I'm just working on maintaining good ChiRunning form for longer and longer periods.


I'm eager to get started on my new plan, but it looks like it'll have to wait a few days. On my last run of the vacation, I lost my footing on the edge of a paved trail for just a fraction of a second. I didn't even feel a twinge -- until the next night. Two days later, I ran 6 miles and by Mile 5 I knew I should have stopped at Mile 4 but I was so far from home. So I finished the 2 more miles and walked the last mile home.

Since then, it's been nothing but twinges and instability. I've tried the chiropractor and ultrasound, massage therapy and the cranial sacral doc. I thought it was improving but after only 20 yards on Sunday I knew it was a no-go. So I'll give it a couple more days before I think about an x-ray.



I don't know if I can really focus simply on time rather than mileage and minutes per mile but I'm sure going to try. If I can, I think my running will really become about the enjoyment and no longer about my ego. Wish me luck.

For My Mom

It's been more than two weeks since my last post. And life has changed. Running didn't take on the same meaning, nothing took on the same meaning during these two weeks. My mom went into the hospital on April 13. She died on April 21 -- my birthday.

In many ways, this was a tremendous blessing. My mom had Alzheimer's. Most days she experienced all of the indignities of this ugly disease. On her good days, she experienced terror and depression, realizing what was happening to her.

My mom was my best friend until I was about 18. We sort of lost our way with one another after that. She was not the easiest person to love sometimes as all of my family will tell you, but we did love her. During the last week of her life, I uncharacteristically went to the hospital each morning around 6:45 to be with her for a while before work. I got up an hour early each morning to go. Normally, it's all I can do to get up 20 minutes after hitting the snooze a few times. It's as if my body knew I needed to be with her this time.

Each day I would expect to see her sitting up in bed. My mom had been sick with various problems her whole life and she always came back no matter how bad the situation. She almost died when I was 7 after losing half her blood. But each morning, she wasn't better. Nor was she better in the afternoons when I came back.

I would sit and talk with the nursing staff or hold Mom's hand and try to talk with her. With each passing day, her ability to communicate weakened. She could start her sentences but would mumble the rest. At first I thought it was the drugs they were giving her to calm her so they could medicate her heart. Then they took her off the anti-anxiety meds and still her sentences would trail off. She knew what she was trying to say but the words just weren't coming. She wouldn't hardly eat or drink after the first day.

That week she was hospitalized was healing for me -- and her I think. We spent time together. I held her hand, kissed her cheeks, told her I loved her. We even spent a special moment on the day she died. I was born at 8:05 a.m. so that day I stayed on most of the morning. At the exact moment of my birth, I reminded her that 48 years ago in that very hospital she was pushing me out into the world. And I asked her if she'd like to give me a commemorative "push." She broke into a big smile.

She died very peacefully that evening. And while I was very upset initially that it happened on my birthday, my uncle put it in perspective for me. He said: You can now remember this as your birthday and your mothers' rebirthday. That feels pretty good.

My mom no longer is agitated, anxious, forgetful, fearful. She no longer is terrified of losing her memory or horrified by moments of forgetfulness. Through it all her greatest fear was that she would one day not recognize her children. That never happened. She knew each us of throughout. For that I am grateful. Because in my mind, she won. She didn't let Alzheimer's rob her of everything. And that is no small victory.

Starting Over

In my renewed effort to focus on the joy of running and not the numbers, I left my heart rate monitor and my Garmin behind for yesterday's run. No way to know how fast or how far I was going (well, I guess I knew how far because I was on one of my favorite routes). But no pressure to perform, no obsessing about my speed, no concerns about heart rate. Just a casual run.

I was totally relaxed except for the butt-dragging feeling in my body. My running form felt great -- no pains, discomfort; my breath rate felt good. I just like I was running with a hangover and I don't even drink. I'm not sure where the butt-dragging feeling came from, although I guess it could be trying to run fueled by fast food. I guess nutrition really does matter. Who'da thunk?

As Danny Dreyer says in ChiRunning, there are no bad runs, just good lessons. And the lesson for today: Stop eating junk (as if I really had to write that down).

One last note: Today is my 11th wedding anniversary. Let me tell you I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I waited a long time for the right man to come along and he was worth the wait. Happy Anniversary Gene.

Lost my way

When I started this blog, it was kind of a combination creative outlet/journal. My schedule being what it is, I no longer have the time (or maybe energy) to even attempt to be a Half-Fast, Pieces of Me, Notes of a Non-Runner, or Miscellaneous Ramblings of a Slow Poke blogger. And that's OK. But it's time to figure out who I am as a blogger and more important who I am as a runner (although I use that term loosely).

I have lost my way in both areas but I'm much more concerned about the runner. After a long separation from running, I promised myself if I was ever able to run again, I would do it with a renewed passion and joy. And I held to that -- until I started reading blogs. I got caught up in the numbers -- mileage, times, etc. -- reading everyone else's reports. And while that may be motivational for some, it just becomes obsessive for me.

So the solution is to get back to what matters -- or should matter -- most to me. And that is simply the joy of running and feeling my body move and being grateful for the opportunity to run pain free no matter how slowly or how few miles it may be. There is a great life lesson here for me -- one that I am learning over and over again: Stop comparing myself to others and start appreciating the journey -- MY JOURNEY.

This running thing has to be about me, my experience. Not how I compare to anyone else. When will I ever get my ego to hear this message? I guess the problem is I've always been a decent athlete. I'm in my high school athletic hall of fame. I played varsity college ball. But when it comes to running -- if teams were chosen for it -- I would finally know what it's like to be the last kid picked.

I am beginning to realize I am just never going to be a great runner, maybe not even an average runner. The sooner I really accept that, the better. And not just for my running but for life in general. It's time to accept me, the good, the bad, the average and the less-than-average. This will be no easy lesson. If I haven't gotten in in the first 47 years, maybe I'll get it in the next 47. I certainly hope so.

Happy to be running

Today I wanted to try 5 min run/1 min walks to see how it felt and if it would speed me up. It didn't go so well. I was exhausted from the get-go. So 3 miles with half-mile runs at a faster pace followed by 1 min walks was harder than I expected, but I made it. It turned into an interval workout of sorts.

The good news I was running, period. There was an 8-year stretch when I couldn't run because of pain. And now I can (thanks to ChiRunning). Everything else is gravy. Plus it was it was 70 degrees and sunny. I was able to work on my form which felt pretty good, but I would have liked to have relaxed more (a big component of CR), but when you can barely breathe and your heart is racing at 175 bpm, it makes it tough to relax. Anyone know a cardiologist who specializes in heart rates that spike in the first 90 seconds of running and don't come back down (even on a slow mile)?

The other good part of today's effort -- the excellent massage I had after the run. I am going to start scheduling all my massages after a hard workout. My calves have been tight since this weekend (biking seems to have aggravated them), but the massage therapist worked good and hard on them. She thinks it might be a lot of lactic acid. So more water -- and less Diet Coke, plus ice and heat after running and we'll see how the calves react to that.

I had my third meeting with a personal trainer today. I'm on my own from here. It's been hard enough to find time for four runs a week, and now I am trying to fit in 4 30-minute weight training sessions set up by a personal trainer. We'll see.

I love spring!

What a weekend! First, a nice 7 miler yesterday and no serious tightening in the calves and hip later. So this morning I headed out for a 3-mile recovery run, and still no discomfort. Woo-hoo! I think I figured out why my calves tightened up the last few weeks -- I forgot to do my leg drains.

In Chirunning, we do leg drains at the end of stretching after the run. Just lie on your back with your feet up against a wall for 4 or 5 minutes. It lets all the pooled blood and such drain out of the legs. Then massage the calves and thighs like you're wringing out a rag and voila, legs feel great the next day. With ChiRunning my legs never hurt the next day but my calves can get pretty tight even with good form, so leg drains are a life-saver.

It's funny the CR focuses that will come to me during a run. I left the heart rate monitor at home and just decided to run 3 casual miles. The first mile today was OK although I could tell I was tired from yesterday (probably too much Diet Coke) but I was fine. The second mile I was feeling more tired than usual (of course I wasn't using walk breaks) but the third mile, I started thinking about my posture and my legs starting from the midpoint of my spine (T12/L1) and my stride opened right up and I felt so much better. Another time I focused more on trusting my lean and again my form just really opened up and breathing was easier not harder even though I was speeding up.

I have been so lethargic for so long that I'm thrilled to have run so well both days and have enough energy for a 16+ mile bike ride with Gene after lunch. Must be the great weather -- 61 degrees and sunny.

3 relaxed miles = 11:52

Sometimes waiting is good

I didn't run Thursday or Friday this week. I just couldn't face 40s and 50s and rain one more time. I can hardly believe that 8 weeks ago, I ran in 15 degree weather. Back then 50 degrees and rain would have seemed spectacular. But the weather was supposed to break this weekend, and I was willing to wait.

Sometimes waiting is good.

What a gorgeous day today. I started with 90 minutes of yoga at 9 a.m. then had two pieces of toast with PB and a G2 ,and watched part of a movie before heading out into sunny skies and 50-something degrees around 12:30.

I wanted to run 6 miles today. I decided to experiment with slowing down a bit and running 11:30 miles plus 1-minute walk breaks after each mile. The idea was if I slowed down, my heart rate would slow down. This experiment failed pretty miserably. The alarm telling me to slow down kept yelling at me the entire run, but I just couldn't slow my body down enough. I managed to run about 11:20 miles but by the end of the third mile my max heart rate was at 175 and the average was like 166. According to my age, my MHR is 173 but today I reached 177 and have reached 183 before. My MHR may be even higher than that, and no, I don't have heart palpitations or feel like I'm going to die when I hit these numbers. Still 164 -- even with a 185 MHR -- is too high for a LSD run. Oh well.

The run itself was great. I even ended up doing 7 miles, although the last mile was just a cool down mile which is why it's slower than the rest. But interesting that while I slowed down my max heart rate was higher than any other mile. As much as I don't like walk breaks, I definitely feel stronger after several miles. Guess I'll stay with them for a while. I still want to experiment with 5 min run/1 min walk on a shorter run.

What's interesting to me is Lap 5 and 6 because even though I was getting tired, (after steading incline for a mile or so) I used a few ChiRunning check-ins -- checking my posture, keeping my feet landing just behind my center of gravity and focusing on maintaining my lean -- and look what happened: two of the best miles in the entire run. I do love CR.

I know this is all boring for anyone reading this but lately I really need to use this blog just to track what's going on with my heart rate more than trying to be entertaining in any way.

Lap 1: 11:19
Lap 2: 11:22
Lap 3: 11:11
Lap 4: 11:36
Lap 5: 11:25
Lap 6: 10:54
Lap 7: 11:44

Ave. HR/Max HR
Lap 1: 157/163
Lap 2: 160/171
Lap 3: 166/175
Lap 4: 167/174
Lap 5: 167/173
Lap 6: 166/173
Lap 7: 166/177

Paying for pain personal trainer style

I had my first workout with a personal trainer yesterday. I want to lose at least 10 pounds, firm up my arms and strengthen my core. She started with an upper body workout. I'm not overly sore this morning but I'm feeling a few muscles I haven't felt in a while. It's hard to imagine paying for this pain. Reminds me of golf where I'll plunk down $50 bucks for a round of golf and the "pleasure" of losing lots of golf balls and my patience.

I have found I must be the weakest woman in the world. She wants me to do 3 sets of each exercise, but after watching me struggle through 2 sets, she told me to do the best I can. The good thing is there no place to go but up from here.

Next week, we'll cover my lower body workout. I don't need big, strong legs for ChiRunning (our legs are for support only), which is good because ever since knee surgery, lunges and squats are a thing of the past. So I'm interested to see what she comes up with.

She wants me to workout four days a week in addition to my runs. At least it's only 30 minutes a day for the weights. But that means four days of weights, four runs and one yoga class a week. And that doesn't even count hitting the bike when the warmer temps arrive. How will I fit it all in?

Mile 1: 10:52
Mile 2 11:20 (1 min walk break)
Mile 3: 11:47 (1 min walk break)
Mile 4; 11:11 (run 5 mins/walk 1 min)

Ave HR/Max HR
Mile 1: 164/170
Mile 2: 167/174
Mile 3: 165/177
Mile 4: 169:177