Lost my way

When I started this blog, it was kind of a combination creative outlet/journal. My schedule being what it is, I no longer have the time (or maybe energy) to even attempt to be a Half-Fast, Pieces of Me, Notes of a Non-Runner, or Miscellaneous Ramblings of a Slow Poke blogger. And that's OK. But it's time to figure out who I am as a blogger and more important who I am as a runner (although I use that term loosely).

I have lost my way in both areas but I'm much more concerned about the runner. After a long separation from running, I promised myself if I was ever able to run again, I would do it with a renewed passion and joy. And I held to that -- until I started reading blogs. I got caught up in the numbers -- mileage, times, etc. -- reading everyone else's reports. And while that may be motivational for some, it just becomes obsessive for me.

So the solution is to get back to what matters -- or should matter -- most to me. And that is simply the joy of running and feeling my body move and being grateful for the opportunity to run pain free no matter how slowly or how few miles it may be. There is a great life lesson here for me -- one that I am learning over and over again: Stop comparing myself to others and start appreciating the journey -- MY JOURNEY.

This running thing has to be about me, my experience. Not how I compare to anyone else. When will I ever get my ego to hear this message? I guess the problem is I've always been a decent athlete. I'm in my high school athletic hall of fame. I played varsity college ball. But when it comes to running -- if teams were chosen for it -- I would finally know what it's like to be the last kid picked.

I am beginning to realize I am just never going to be a great runner, maybe not even an average runner. The sooner I really accept that, the better. And not just for my running but for life in general. It's time to accept me, the good, the bad, the average and the less-than-average. This will be no easy lesson. If I haven't gotten in in the first 47 years, maybe I'll get it in the next 47. I certainly hope so.